Out of Plumb

What would happen if you bread a dog and a goat? Do you think it is possible the Chinese have already done it? My dog just coughed this up:

I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t put a safety pin high on the list of things puppies should be eating. Now she wasn’t chewing on it and I yelled at her, no sir! We were playing fetch in the house (don’t tell my wife) and she brought the toy back, dropped it at my feet and gave a little hack. This thing just dropped out of her mouth, her eyes never left the chew toy in my hand. It was so casual, like spitting out a cherry pit. I suppose I should be proud of her, I mean look how mangled that pin is!

THINGS MY DOG HAS EATEN: note in order to qualify it must come back up the way it went down or have taken the more ‘scenic’ route. Simply chewed up does not count.

TV remote, blue bathmat, box of color crayons, cardboard box (numerous) VCR remote, shotgun shell, stuffed animals (numerous), green bathmat, baseball, baseball bat, water dish, food dish, plastic toys that squeak (numerous), feather pillow (about that let me just say oh-my-god), slippers (numerous but always the left foot), dead furry things she finds outside (numerous) dead robin, dead, sparrow, tuna fish can, enough wood to build a small cabin, roll of electrical tape, roll of duct tape, DVD remote, drywall, sheetrock mud, paint brush, doormat, blankets (numerous), spatula, squirt bottles, dirt and most recently something as yet unidentified that turned her poop green.

Got word back on the blue spazonite. The advice was succinct, don’t eat it and don’t bring anymore home. Found out from an unrelated source that we couldn’t get anymore if we wanted to. Last year the mine was reclaimed, i.e. covered over and pronounced pristine. I will not tell you what the active ingredient in the spazonite was but had you attempted to eat some it might have tasted faintly of almonds. Sort through the paranoia about this particular ‘spice’ and you discover a weakness for UV light. It becomes rather harmless in a matter of an hour or so when exposed to UV. To make my spazonite dangerous you would have to break the rocks and then lick them right away, freshness is key. The compound can only get you if you have a way to ingest amounts of fresh stuff, like a spring trickling through a spazonite deposit. I must admit I am relieved, mostly because my professor neighbor didn’t see my pile of green spazonite.